Bridge to Humanity

I believe we all feel shame over things in our life. That shame gets compared to the lies others have built to hide their own, and forces us to hide ours, or be laughed at, ridiculed, and called names. No bridge to humanity can be built if we’re all holding onto our pieces of the puzzle, and refuse to help complete it.

It is only in admitting and confessing our shame that we are free of it, and over time will learn to be free of the burdens of others who hold theirs so tight they force the extra weight of it onto the rest of us; inflicting great pain. We’re all guilty. That guilt should fuel us to change and grow as part of humanity and common concern. 

We must become vulnerable, and open our heart to each other. We must be willing to be uncomfortable to make our world a more comfortable place to live. We must allow ourselves to be ripped open, our old wounds exposed, so that the others who feel our same type of shame know they’re not alone. No one likes feeling alone. Pride will have them lie and say they do. 

The only way to heal our world is to stop building walls. Be one of the ones who owns your story and tells it. Be proud of what you have overcome, how mentally and emotionally strong you are, no matter who tells you it is weak. It will touch someone. Even if only one is touched out of thousands it is a start. Be part of building this bridge of humanity and stop letting the world make you hard. This is the only life we get. You have no proof of an after life, and to waste this one is incredibly ignorant. 

Often the ones that expose themselves to the world are the bravest, most courageous people I’ve ever met in my life. I try to be one of them. My goal in life is to overcome my own shame, own my story, and learn who I am, so that I can shrug off old dogma and bullshit to become someone better.

One fear conquered at a time has had amazing results. I’m still human. I still fail. I just don’t see failure the same way anymore. It is the key to success because every time you fail you simply find what don’t work, and try something else until you’re comfortable in your own skin. Rather than feeling down when you fall, rise up, remember that everyone does now and then, and view it as a lesson learned; move on. Never compare the worst of your behind the scene moments with everyone else's highlight reel.

I firmly believe that any dogma at all is dangerous. You have to believe in yourself, and count yourself worthy of the love and happiness you deserve, or it will never come. Your validation must first come from within, and then others will eventually validate it for you.

You will simply never find full validation in other people. We’re all too flawed for that, and will inevitably hurt each other along the way. As soon as the other person hurts you the validation they offered before is gone. And we will never find it in an absent god or flawed religion that causes great harm. 

When we let go of god it is one less bias we view the world with. We are able to see things as they are. We no longer want to judge people, but to let them heal from the horrid dogma and indoctrination of generations. You are forced to get off your ass and change life yourself. You can no longer leave it in god's hands, and have the excuse that he somehow has it all under control. Grab the reigns and live your life loud and proud.

For if you believe in god he also will inevitably let you down. It's truth. Your validation, your self-worth, your worthiness in this life must come from YOU. You have to take full accountability for your life, without other people, without god, without sinful human nature, and other people or things to blame. You will never ever allow yourself to change the things you make excuses for.

It’s why even though we all take things personal sometimes we have to step back and remind ourselves it really isn’t. We all carry our own pain, and try to hide it from the world. The weight and loneliness of it grows heavier with time. We are all guilty of hurting other people because our own pain could not be contained, and we didn’t mean to hurt those people.

So remember that when others hurt you they, too, are doing so out of pain so heavy they can’t bear the weight of it, and forgive them the way you want to be forgiven. If you can hurt others without it being personal, then reason should help you understand others can hurt you without it being personal.

It is only in sharing, in finding someone who may not understand but will try without judgment, and being someone who will do the same, that we will ever heal. You don’t need someone to understand your shame for them to understand what it feels like to be ashamed. The simple touch of your hand, listening ear, hug, words of advice will let you know you’re not alone. And you can be that for others, too.

The people who laugh at the vulnerable ones are the cowards. They have been hurt so much themselves, that rather than admit that pain they choose to be mean and hurtful to others. I feel sorry for them. Sarcasm and offense have their place, but some people like to wear it like a badge of honor. Where is the honor in choosing your own comfort at the expense of others? Rather than allow themselves to be exposed or heal they have covered the deepest parts of their heart with thick immovable armor.

I would rather this short life I have be spent honestly trying to make myself a better person, to leave a contribution to the world, than to hide and pretend it away. You want to be different, unique, remembered? Then stand out from the majority and be heard. 

The times when we are offended the greatest is when the shoe fits, but we are too embarrassed to wear it. We all do it. We often see things with a bias to our experiences, and are so amazed when we finally overcome that bias that everybody else just can’t see it. Our eyes are so open once we overcome something that we think everyone else should see it, too. But no, we’re taught not to talk about things, and sweep them under pretty little rugs.

So the world keeps tripping over itself and each other trying to find a normal that does not exist. There is no room for love in a humanity that is so afraid to be honest and bleed to save a life, that they waste the one chance we know for sure we have adding to the weight of the world. 

We must be willing to embrace the I don’t know and get excited about the learning why. We must stop saying god did it and believing we are horrible creatures worthy of a hell that doesn’t even exist. You are human. Human nature is something you will control much better when you finally realize it is nothing to fear, but actually a very common trait we all share. 

Your human nature is not bad, and you never did anything to deserve the pain and hurt you feel, but the problem is you’re taking that pain and hurt so personal you can’t heal. It is going to take more people being vulnerable, reaching out, and saying I love you first. The world is so greedy and those who refuse to expose themselves to save it are just as guilty.

Let that guilt you feel fuel you to do a different thing next time. Use it to change whatever it is you are feeling guilty about. Apologize to other people even when you don’t think they deserve it. It isn’t about them. It’s about you and expecting from yourself what you wish from the rest of the world.

It is about the weight that will lift from your own life when you just admit you hurt someone else and didn't mean to. That you were only hurting so bad yourself you knew no other way. Free them from the chains you bound them with, and you will free yourself. That doesn't take god. That takes courage and a desire to heal our world. And forgive others who have hurt you, even if they never say they're sorry. The hurt you feel is not personal. Realize that, remember that, free yourself from the burden of guilt that isn't yours to carry.

Don’t treat your neighbor the way you would want to be treated. Instead, love them enough to figure out how they like to be treated. We’re not alike and often we are only hurt because our language of love and acceptance is different than that of others. We must be willing to learn it if we want others to learn ours.

Real love really is about serving others, getting to know them and what has hurt them in past, not taking the hurt they cause us personal, and understanding that just because someone does not love you in the way you would love them, doesn't mean they don’t love you. We just love in different ways.

Love is when you care about another person so much that their happiness comes before your own. When you reach a place where you are no longer seeking in that person what you can only offer yourself. For only then, only when you accept yourself as you really are, and learn to love yourself, can you truly love another person without some kind of strings attached.

Help someone else unpack their own baggage by letting go of your own.